Am I That Comfortable With Sex?

sex

I remember when I was in high school. When I think about it, it just feels ridiculous. How we’d snigger when talking about sex, when saying the word “condom”, when taking a handful of them at the nurse’s office. In biology, when we’d study procreation and contraception. Or when we’d go to the check out with a box of condoms and avoid looking the cashier in the eyes. Well, nothing much has changed, hasn’t it?

I come from a family where sex has never been taboo or an issue. As far as I remember, both my parents were telling my brothers, my sister and I that sex is not bad. It is good, enjoyable and beautiful. It does not necessarily needs to have a meaning. The only things it needs are consent, safety and trust. We always had a box of condoms in the bathroom for instance.

Because of that, I was never anxious about sex. Even my first time. It happened, it was clumsy, not mind-blowing but there were affection, consent and trust. And you can’t excel at everything the first time. Practice makes it better as they say. Something new opened to me and I was becoming more tolerant. I thought I was so open-minded back then and comfortable with sex. Yet, I was still being close-minded on many things: one-night stands, fuck buddies, polyamory, sex toys, etc

Just before I moved to New Zealand, my boyfriend at the time broke up with me, and as I was celebrating the end of the year, leaving my flat and preparing for my travel, I told a friend that I could never do one-night stands. I moved to New Zealand and things leading to another, well, I opened up. I guess being far from home, from gossips, here-says and judgements made me more inclined to try new things and tolerant to what other’s would do. So yeah, I had a lot of fun.

However, no matter where I’d go, even in New Zealand where people seem much more comfortable with sex, it still felt like a girl was always more criticized for her behavior than a boy. Another debate I guess. As I travelled and grew, I judged people less and less for their sex life. You can judge someone for something if you have the same behavior. And so at one point, all the things I had disliked and judged became part of my life. I was a firm defender of this lifestyle and anyone sharing it. Also pointing out how hypocrite double standards are.

Was I comfortable with everything though? Well, I can certainly say no! Sex toys for example! They were always a topic of mockery between my friends and I. Immature mockery. Was it the culture we came from? Were we just associating sex toys to porn? Both and more I guess. Yes, I was still curious. Because that’s in my nature and I had changed quite a bit since I left high school.

Then it happened. I met Ana from Faded Spring at a blogger event and girl crush at first sight! We went for drinks after that event and as you can imagine, after a few cocktails, tongues loosened. And we talked about sex, relationships, and sex toys. She kinda made me change my mind about the latter. But still, there still as hesitation and prejudice. I guess you never know until you try.

And even after that, you might still feel some guilt. Especially when you are women. Even worse when female sexuality is either controversial and taboo or just set aside by science. And you know, society and all that. Those ideas that boys will be boys and can’t keep it in their pants. While girls are delicate flowers that need to wait until marriage and things.

But you know, we’ve all got needs. We all have a different approach to sex and how diverse it can be. We all have a different approach to relationship. Which is exactly why we all need to be open-minded. Seven billion people, seven billion tastes. You don’t want people to judge so don’t judge. And in the end, it is just about what YOU want for YOURSELF. And what you learn. We are all on a journey.


Jacket, jumper & Trainers – Miss Pap
Jeans – House of Fraser
Watch – JORD
Cross-body Bag – Shein
Sunnies – Boohoo

I am realizing how long this post is and also how personal. I am not sure I have ever written something that personal and that bold. To me at least. Which proves again that I am not as comfortable with sex that I like to think I am. But oh well, growing up is a life-long process.

What are your thoughts on this post? Or on this topic? Have you ever been in that situation too? What’s your take on this?

Thank you so much for stopping by and reading this post. I hope you liked it.

See you soon,
Love,
Corinne

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47 Comments

  1. March 11, 2018 / 8:22 pm

    I definitely think it’s part of our culture not to talk about sex. I know I can be a very big prude at times and unless I’m drunk find it hard to let go and talk about what I want in sex. I certainly don’t frown upon anyone who has a different sexual history to me (a lot of my friends have had one night stands) but I guess for me it’s just not something I would feel comfortable about and I think really that’s what it’s all about isn’t it? What YOU want! X

  2. Lea
    March 11, 2018 / 8:44 pm

    This post was so refreshing to read! I do talk about anything sex related with my girls and I think if we weren’t that open about this subject it might be a lot different on what I have tried so far. I love how you spoke so openly about the whole thing! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it was a really interesting read!
    Lea, xx

  3. March 11, 2018 / 8:50 pm

    I think it’s great that you’re sharing your thoughts on this. My knowledge on this topic is very limited however I still found this post really interesting and thought provoking.

  4. March 11, 2018 / 8:51 pm

    Thank you for being so open and honest! I think that is the only way people will become more comfortable with seemingly taboo subjects!x

  5. March 11, 2018 / 9:11 pm

    This is such a great post, and I do think that we need to talk about sex more than we actually do. We just naturally cringe whenever someone mentions sex, especially our parents. But once being in a long distance relationship myself, I completely understand your needs!

    Carly xx // http://www.prettystyleofliving.wordpress.com

  6. March 11, 2018 / 9:37 pm

    I love your honesty here and how open you’ve been. I’m a little like you were. I’ve never done the whole casual sex thing and right now it doesn’t really seem like my thing. But I am open to change. You’re totally right. People change, needs change. No judgement needed! x

    Sophie
    http://www.glowsteady.co.uk

  7. March 11, 2018 / 9:54 pm

    I love how open you are! This is definitely a topic that isn’t talked much about and you are right there is a double standard going on with guys/girls sex lifes. This is such an inspiring piece!

  8. Anreeba
    March 12, 2018 / 10:24 am

    I love the way you spoke so openly about the whole thing! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  9. March 12, 2018 / 12:53 pm

    This is definitely a subject that isn’t discussed much, and it should be. I like your open and honest post, and maybe it will help some girls in your situation.

  10. March 12, 2018 / 2:48 pm

    I don’t mind the topic at all and I know not many people can be this brave to even mention it let alone write about it so it’s great for anyone who has been in a similar situation.

  11. Rachel Wuest
    March 12, 2018 / 4:53 pm

    I love talking about sex and well, partaking in it, haha! Unlike you, my parents were very strict about no sex and didn’t give me much of an education. Thankfully, I taught myself a lot before becoming truly sexually active. I couldn’t agree more with your one night stand thing. I only started them quite recently after taking years to come out of the shame and guilt I associated with non-loving sex growing up. If you have fun and like the person enough, why not? I have also recently discovered the of polyamory and while I’m still figuring myself out, that seems like a lifestyle best for me. I have a lot of love to give and as selfish as it sounds may not want to sleep with one person for the rest of my life no matter how much I love them. I want to be open to other types of bonds and have fun flirting throughout my life.

    Rachel || anotherstationanothermile.com

  12. March 12, 2018 / 5:13 pm

    This was such an interesting post to read, and something that made me think about my own attitudes to sex. I’m not even sexually active yet, so a lot of the battles you’ve faced are ones I don’t have to consider, but it’s really nice to know that your attitudes towards certain things have changed since you did become sexually active. Well done on being open enough to talk about your sex life when it’s still considered to be a taboo topic, too!

    Rebekah Gillian | http://rebekahgillian.co.uk

  13. March 12, 2018 / 5:42 pm

    Good for you! I’ve always been fairly open about it – especially after a few cocktails, but I’ll usually wait for someone else to mention it rather than diving right into a topic. I think it’s brilliant to write about it, we’re all adults, and something that we come across almost daily in some form or another. It’s so great to be open and honest, I wish more people were to help lose the taboo around the topic

    Hels xxx

  14. March 12, 2018 / 5:58 pm

    This post is so refreshing and honest, thanks for sharing your thoughts Corinne. It’s good to read a different kinda post once in a while. I totally agree, as long as there is trust and consent between two people then it’s their sex life, their business. Nobody else should judge. Great post! 😘 xx

    Bexa | http://www.hellobexa.com

  15. March 12, 2018 / 7:40 pm

    I think it’s important to always be open about sex. I’ll talk about it freely, but I’ll probably blush as I’m doing it. But I answer my children’s questions about it with honesty!

  16. Brittany
    March 12, 2018 / 7:53 pm

    What an amazIng post. Thanks for sharing from the heart. Sex is definitely something that has turned from something beautiful into something thats misconstrued….leaving people to be scared and worried about it. I love that you’ve shared this. Great post

  17. March 12, 2018 / 8:03 pm

    I honestly wish more people were as honest and open about things like this! It’s so normal to experiment and try different things but it’s also completely okay if you don’t want to either. What a brave and brilliant post!
    Alice Xx

  18. March 12, 2018 / 9:28 pm

    I grew up in an environment where sex was never taboo. We spoke about it all of the time and were always very at ease with it. I’m always sad when I hear that other people grew up feeling shameful about it.

  19. March 12, 2018 / 9:50 pm

    I commend you for writing such a post which would really demand more confidence from me than normal. And for a fact, I totally agree with your words. It is unfortunate to see women being judged harshly when it comes to their sex life as compared to men; for instance a man can lay around all he wants while only one rumour that a woman did the same will earn her the worst title. Anyway, I’d also like to think that I’m not as comfortable as well.

  20. Jana
    March 12, 2018 / 10:40 pm

    I think more people should talk about sex more openly then it won’t be such a taboo. It’s part of life that most of us enjoy. You are brave to speak out.

  21. March 12, 2018 / 10:49 pm

    The more you talk about the best! Well done you for writing something so honest. I was raised in a family a bit closed to this topic but have grown to accept more and ore and will raise my family this way.

  22. Vian
    March 12, 2018 / 11:50 pm

    This is a great topic to be discuss but in my case, I never talk about it.. I believe intimacy is sacred.. but thank you for being bold in discussing it.

  23. March 13, 2018 / 3:21 am

    It’s wonderful that your parents were normal in the way they explained sex to their children. I wish mine had been. They traumatised my sister and I.
    Even though the prevalence of gender-based discrimination was prevalent when I was growing up, that doesn’t excuse the things my father said to me or how he abused my sister.
    I love your positive attitude and logical approach – and if I can get my subconscious to accept the truths you put in writing it will improve my life.
    You look fabulous wearing the OOTD you styled and wore in the outfit photos above.

  24. March 13, 2018 / 3:26 am

    Sex makes the world go around. I can’t remember a time when we were not talking about in my house. I think the topic should be discuss truthly at every stage. Get rid of the birds and the bees, and the stark delivery. Really!

  25. March 13, 2018 / 10:12 am

    This is a great post, I don’t think sex should be a taboo topic to speak about, we all do it!!! I think people’s thoughts on sex can be influenced by their parents and its great yours were so open about it!

    Sarah | http://www.sazsinclair.com xx

  26. March 13, 2018 / 10:52 am

    This is a great post, Corinne! I think it’s great your parents were so open and honest and transparent about sex. I never had the sex talk from my parents and my school’s sex ed wasn’t great (even though I went to an all girls school). I kinda just learnt along the way and I certainly think my teenage attitude towards it all would have been a bit different had I had some proper education. But at the end of the day, as long as there’s trust and consent, that’s all that matters! xx

  27. March 13, 2018 / 12:13 pm

    I think it is really important that parents be open and honest with their children about sex when they are at the age to have the talk.

  28. March 13, 2018 / 1:50 pm

    This is an interesting read. I like reading your honesty and openness about this thing. This is a topic my parents don’t discussed much with us when we were teenagers.

  29. March 13, 2018 / 2:31 pm

    Well thanks for the casual mention girl 😛 but obviously I do think that it is so important that we talk about sex because it is not a taboo topic. Whether you masturbate or use sex toys, taking the time out of our day to attend to our sexual needs is not only satisfying but its also liberating. When I tell guys that I watch porn some of them laugh as though I am joking but I am not, nothing wrong with being open and honest. Creating a comfortable discourse around sex will allow all of us to see that talking about sex is perfectly natural.

  30. Angela
    March 13, 2018 / 4:33 pm

    I love this! I hope to find that happy medium while raising my kids. I don’t want them to think sex is bad and also want them to make the best decisions for themselves

  31. March 13, 2018 / 5:15 pm

    I love for this and admire your openness! I have always been very open about sex, it’s a natural act and one we should feel comfortable talking about! It’s pretty much all my girlfriends and I talk about some nights, haha!

  32. March 13, 2018 / 7:04 pm

    A beautifully honest post. It is really refreshing to read something free of pretence and prudishness regarding sex.

  33. Huda
    March 13, 2018 / 7:16 pm

    Such an interesting post and glad you shared it! Personally, in my culture even saying the word ‘sex’ out loud is inappropriate so I don’t have much to say on this topic haha! But, I do agree that no matter what we believe in, we should try not to judge the way others want to live their lives! Great post! xx

  34. Hannah Marie
    March 13, 2018 / 8:25 pm

    I agree that we should be open and comfortable to talk about it. But because I grew up in a conservative culture, there are reservations about this topic.

  35. March 13, 2018 / 9:29 pm

    I think you are right life is a Journey and sex is a big part of life and if you are lucky and brave enough you get to have good sex and choose the way you achieve that. I use to be so scared of everything life, love, and sex. Now I’m in my forties and have had the best sex of my entire life…..and it had batteries!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  36. March 14, 2018 / 1:12 am

    Yes I do agree that we shouldn’t judge people based on their sex life. This is a brave initiative to talk about this topic and being open about it.

  37. March 14, 2018 / 2:35 am

    I’ve always believed it’s important to be open about your emotions. If you’re comfortable with what you’re doing, then no one else should have a say.

  38. March 14, 2018 / 3:33 am

    Such a daring post and I love it. We are to live live on our terms and not apologize for it. Great post!

  39. March 14, 2018 / 7:52 am

    I have been open about sex even though I have my beliefs about when it should occur. This is definitely an interesting read

  40. Stephanie
    March 14, 2018 / 12:12 pm

    This is a brave and courageous post. Your family was very open about sex. I admire that. I think I would be more comfortable talking about it than putting my opinions I. Write no but one day I may be as brave as you.

  41. Kiwi
    March 15, 2018 / 4:45 am

    I love when bloggers actually unite in person. Wait she got you to open up about sex toys…wow I would of never thought that from her but yeah sexual freedom is liberating!

  42. March 17, 2018 / 10:24 pm

    Very interesting topic. One that is not spoken of often. Thank you for being so honest and open.

  43. March 20, 2018 / 3:26 am

    I love hot topics as such. I admire your bravery in opening up a topic like sex! Go girl 🙂

  44. March 24, 2018 / 6:21 pm

    Love this post. Tbh when it comes to sex, I could talk about it till the cows come home (hahaha) but, I guess everyone is different, which is absolutely fine. The most important thing you mentioned is that there should be consent, and as long as there is then it’s just fun and games … well, at least until someone get’s feelings or gets dumped or something (lol.) Really love your blog – I’m having fun stalking! 🙂 x

    http://www.allthegoodblognamesweretaken.com
    https://www.instagram.com/allthegoodblognamesweretaken/

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